When we sat down for the serving session she was clearly overwhelmed. It was difficult for her to put into words what was bothering her. As the concerns spurted out, she would pause momentarily and her eyes would well up with tears. I see it again and again. Amazingly talented women unable to perceive Christ calling them into a new inheritance in Him and strangled by self-doubt.
There can be numbers of reasons for this paralysis and identity crisis. A childhood filled with victimization that disables their trust, to simply those who have meshed their identity into what they do rather than into who they are in Christ. The torment for them becomes especially acute in seasons where they are to receive a new anointing in order to grow the kingdom or simply to create boundaries that create peace and well-being for themselves and families(Yes, God is all about establishing, rooting and creating peace in your life~guilt-free). Those who do not recognize this shift or are not willing to do the work necessary to properly align themselves, can become depressed,swinging from spiritual highs and lows or at best, stuck from their lack of ability to process what they spiritually sense into the practical steps necessary to create this new identity. The results? Men and women with amazing potential, intelligence and gifting, who can never grow to their level of leadership they are called to.
I get this on a core level. For years (maybe a decade) I was unable to translate what I felt in prayer and intercession, saw the prophetic confirmation for, into the practical steps necessary to build success for myself and others. When I coach and pray for my clients, I “see and I feel”. There have been times in my life where I have found this gift to be an absolute curse and begged God to allow me to be normal like other women. Fortunately for me, like Jonah, I just got thrown overboard with the big fish rather than get struck by lightning for whining. So, if you are anything like me, you are in spiritual and physical overload when you can’t “hear” or “see” where God is taking you identity wise in a new season. WHAT IS A MODERN PROPHETIC PERSON TO DO?
First, in the kingdom of God, greater influence and impact translates into greater servant-hood. I know we all know this but this is how it will show up on your door-step. Chaos and confusion. Pain and loneliness. Gut-wrenching fear and anxiety. Perhaps you will be asked to do or take on some role you don’t feel qualified or prepared to do. For me, the first huge identity shift happened when I had my application ready for the FBI as a newlywed and found out I was pregnant . Epic fail to my college dream. The next one was when I was asked by my husband to go work after a 9 month layoff he experienced. A good friend of his had offered me a sales position presenting to SURGEONS. I had been home-schooling our 4 kids for 12 years ( and did not even own one unstained outfit. (Why not just make it completely paralyzing for Becky the introvert). I prayed and worked like I was on fire I was so out of my comfort zone. By the grace of God, I made the top sales team within 9 months.
The last big identity crisis came in 2005 with an ID theft for almost a million dollars, a situation with one of my children that made me feel like a complete failure as a mother and a huge rejection by relationships I idolized. (apparently due to the complete purging I had with fire during this season). This all took place in one year. The Lord not only helped me create a new identity lickety-split but I had so much energy I ran a marathon in the middle of it. Let me tell you, when your obedient to get out of your comfort zone, GOD SHOWS UP. He loves to take us from victim’s to victors and make all things new. (If we let him)
My friend, here is the question for you today. If you want to serve God with all your strength and not just be singing Jesus la-la songs on Sunday during church, you better be willing to do whatever it takes to get out of your comfort zone and GO where God is asking you to go. The self-doubt that paralyzes you is an attempt to prevent you from accessing your true inheritance in Christ and fully relying on is ability to empower you rather than your own works. The invitation for this new season may come from your spouse or close spiritual relationships. It may arise out of financial hardship or circumstances beyond your control. It may even be a dream or vision that you see internally asking you to ditch all safety zones. The bottom line is we serve the Lord, WHO IS THE MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH and also the God who empowers us to create wealth. Wealth in every area, physically, spiritually, emotionally, relationally and yes, financially. Trust what you feel intuitively in prayer and yield to the inheritance and identity he has for you. Soon thereafter you will stop praying for signs and wonders and YOU will be the sign and wonder that wins the lost and advances the kingdom of God without effort. Oh, it is worth the price!
“I celebrated a little too much on my birthday” she responded when I checked in with her. She originally connected with me because she had been sabotaging herself with alcohol and wanted to experience a greater level of freedom. We co-created the strategies she needed to experience success and had her first sober free summer in decades. Even though she had cycled out of coaching, the Holy Spirit brought her face before me. “Email her and see how she is doing”. I found out when I checked in on her that the one celebration drink on her birthday led to 2 weeks. (This is why prayer and fasting for my clients is at the core of my coaching;there is no one who wants our success more than the Lord.) We scheduled a “tweak” session and as soon as I listened to her I knew she was going to be successful long-term. Why?
1. When I contacted her and asked her how she was doing, she responded with naked authenticity. This indicated to me that she had been transformed into her new identity. Albeit her wings were a bit wet and delicate but they were in place. When Christians hide in shame it is because they do not have a revelation of their inheritance, nor have they embraced the new identity the Lord wants to give them. When we can stay coach-able in failure, we are exhibiting a true understanding of our position and place in Christ. (Ephesians 2)
2. She immediately expressed a desire to maintain the ground she had taken. Ding, 200 points…this client understands she is in a war. (She is SO called to speak to women who are medicating because of past abuse, I have seen her in prayer standing before thousands). Listen, it is WORK to take your inheritance and you will get your butt kicked occasionally. What makes the difference between individuals who grow their inheritance and those who lose even what they have is their courage and determination to win. This client can SEE it is not about her anymore, it is now about the women she is called to serve. If we cannot be moderate with food or alcohol and enter into a spirit of self-control, then you need a plan that is purposeful and the personal accountability to break out of it!
3. When I asked her what her plan was to stay successful, she sighed with a smile and said:”Do the things that made me successful in the first place”. Ding. Another 200 points! Ownership was a core value for her now. The most powerful decision was when she decided to stop waiting on her husband to serve God whole-heartedly and she decided to model it to him. She took off like a 747 to be exact. I was thinking, Holy Cow, this husband doesn’t have any idea what he is in for:). Now, I have to tell you that is one of the most fun things I love to watch with my clients. They focus on taking ownership themselves and all of the sudden everyone around them is saying: Hey, you look different, what’s going on with you? Building a new internal identity is way better than a new hair do, outfit or jewelry. Why? Because it blesses you AND glorifies Christ.
It really doesn’t matter whether your sabotage is addictions, lack of clarity, no financial resources to grow your destiny or just plain fear and insecurity. If you are you ready like this client to take ownership, you too will demonstrate the power of Christ to TRANSFORM you into the butterfly you know you could be! C’mon, what are you waiting for?
The conversation went like this: “I believe I have found my passion and call in life”. I specialize in empowering people to step into their calling and grow it with boldness, so she had my rapt attention.
She shared, “I feel called to work with women who have been verbally abused”. I looked at her more closely and observed she was more stressed than usual. As she began to unravel her story, I felt privileged that she was sharing her shame with me. I realized quickly she was at the end of her proverbial rope. She has been married for over 20 years with two wonderful children and she is the main bread-winner. Her husband is athletic, intellectually gifted and…..has not brought in any income for a long time. The financial hardship has been challenging in that she has had to take an out-of-town job to support the family. However, what has been more damaging to her emotionally, is the verbal abuse she and the children have endured. It seems his inability to become channeled in his identity has created an obsessive focus on perfecting everyone else in the family. To compound the situation, he does not have any desire for spiritual matters. She is feeling strangled by his critical-ness and the only solution in her mind now is to divorce him. Her main point was, I grew up with this and now I have married into it.
As I listened to her and the Holy Spirit, one of the first things I was watching for was whether she had any faith for her marriage. Now mind you, not salvation faith but miracle faith. God doesn’t need much, but he does need a seed. All the supernatural support in the world won’t do you any good if you don’t believe that God can bring resurrection to YOUR cross. Which leads me to point one. When you need a miracle is the very point when your feeling the most disconnected, abandoned, bitter and hopeless. I knew she was ripe for God’s supernatural provision if she just recognized one thing. Christ had already done his part and now….
God was asking her to die to her flesh and serve her husband
It is at this point when you are at ready to toss in the towel that you need to ask you yourself these questions. Are you ready to decide that you do not want to be a victim anymore? Willing to model what you want to receive? Ready to set some clear, biblical boundaries and communicate the hard heart stuff? I knew she loved God and wanted to obey him so I asked these kind of questions. Is he physically beating you or the children? No. Do you think if you divorce him that you won’t attract another just like him. (because she hasn’t solved her problem)? Do you know your identity and inheritance as a believer toward a unbelieving husband? No. Are you willing to give it more time and see what God could do for you if you chose to embrace this cross his way rather than your self-sufficiency? (her earning the income had made her dependent on her ability rather than Christ resurrection power.) a big pause in conversation there.
Friend, let me encourage you. Regardless of your shame, God has a supernatural miracle ready for you. Is your husband or you an alcoholic? Are you depressed about finances and isolated? Abandoned and rejected in ministry? He has a couple of questions for you. Are you ready to decrease and allow him to increase? Ready to set clear, healthy boundaries? Ready to break out of the victimization and build some fun partnerships that will leave you energized and nurtured? If so, you are ready for your suddenly season!
Wednesday, June 16th, Small Business Development Coach Beverly Lewis and I will be hosting Passion, Power and Profits. This 45 minute Free teleconference is focused on 7 myths that prevent Christian entrepeneurs from sharing their faith while marketing and growing their businesses to profit from a kingdom perspective. Notice I said, kingdom perspective, not that “prosperity gospel” crap.
WHICH MAKES ME WANT TO STAND ON A TABLE AND SCREAM IDOLATRY WHEN I HEAR IT.
(In a very ladylike, demur way of course:)
Now with that said, here are a couple of things that has helped me over the years segway out of a victimization mentality that saturated my finances, (and I believe went hand in hand with a spirit of Mammon), into the kind of financial increase that God is pleased with AND brings provision for your family and overflow to serve others with. Notice I did not say financial wealth that GOD makes his personal priority for you to have or you are not a successful Christian. The only thing that he prioritizes for you on a day-to-day basis after you receive Christ is death to your flesh and more increase for himself. (and if you are blessed you will be exposed to persecution, rejection and tribulations for his namesake). Here in America we have a hard time fitting that part into the come to Jesus and you will get new stuff and be rich mentality.
First, God desires you to have confidence and serve others with your unique identity, and yes, even get paid well-doing it. Second, It is not a sin to make a profit. It is a sin for you to worship your ability to build wealth (which is a grace from God) and mesh your identity in Christ into accumulating status, power and worldly goods. Here are a couple of thoughts for you to ponder as a Christian business or a ministry leader. Jesus was a carpenter and most likely his dad died between the age of 12 and the beginning of his ministry. He and his brothers had to support the family through their business.Think about it, how do you envision Jesus running his business? Was he building quality crafted furniture and getting paid half of what it was worth, because he couldn’t figure out his margin and set good boundaries? Did he not have enough for groceries or to pay the bills because his business couldn’t meet their needs?(and maybe even a little extra for Mary to bake cakes for the neighbors and to buy his Mom a new dress now and then). Was his business in the red or profitable? We don’t know but I do know this, what you believe about how Jesus would run his business will influence how you run yours. He transitioned from business to a non for profit ministry, cared for himself and 12 member staff and still made a profit. I am not getting into whether he was rich and for that matter who cares, but the fact remained there was a treasurer for the money that was left over(Judas was dipping into it) so it was growing financially. Nor was he giving every penny he made away (for the ministry). I bring up these points because many of my clients are ministry leaders and passionate for Christ small business owners. They struggle just like I used too with this sabotage. I will call it the “willing financial victim mentality”. I did not understand kingdom principles concerning money and so in order to not have to take ownership I just gave everything I made away or piddled it away rather than invest it and grow it properly. I am still not where I want to be but thrilled with where I am going. Doing what I am passionate doing, being a conduit for the power of God and making a profit so I can provide for my family AND bless others with. I believe my Father would be pleased with that also:)
This past week I spent a week in Myrtle Beach doing nothing but eating large quantities of sugar and fried food while sunning myself between the beach and the pool. By the end the week I realized two things.
1. My IQ, stamina and ability to communicate properly is greatly reduced by each dessert I consume, therefore I need to quickly get back on my regular eating routine so that I am not embarrassing myself publicly.
2. By scheduling in a much-needed break, I in fact am going back with new clarity about an issue I have been frustrated with for quite a while. (I didn’t do anything to get the clarity either).
That in turn made me think about a pattern I have watched in my own life and that of my clients. Scheduling in a 3 day-7 day rest is exactly what you need in order for you to receive your breakthrough.
The fact is God loves to create new identities after a nice English holiday. Think creation. God rested and said, ahhhh and then created Adam and Eve. The ministry of Jesus was launched after prayer, rest and fasting in the dessert for 40 days. No strategic planning meetings, no internet research, no media blitz. The birth of the New Testament church started after hanging with friends, prayer, fasting and rest. The fact is there is an explosion of momentum and clarity that comes when we take time to fellowship and rest. Maybe the clarity comes because we are just embracing the moment or perhaps because we stop striving and enjoy. However, the fact remains that God is able to redirect and realign us for success when we take the time to enjoy him and embrace his processes. In my own life, one of the most powerful new identities I received came directly after a summer of focusing on nothing but perfecting my tan and enjoying the presence of God.
Many times if we cannot take a week longs vacation we will just keep plugging away. Wrong. If you cannot take a week, take a weekend. If you can’t take the whole weekend, take 24 hrs and go to a hotel with a pool. The point is rest and do it as frequently as needed for you to feel whole and peaceful. If you are a single parent, build relationships with others who you can barter out rest breaks with. You will love your results and experience new clarity and momentum for the area’s of your life that need continued breakthrough!
It is Memorial Day weekend and I wanted to share with you a quote from one of my favorite military strategists.
“An Army is a team; lives, sleeps, eats, fights as a team. This individual heroic stuff is a lot of crap.” Gen. George Patton
Want to know how to eliminate sabotage and build the kind of success that Gen. George Patton experienced and modeled?
1. Teaming eliminates procrastination and provides accountability. (more momentum which means quicker results)
2. Teaming requires the individual members to depend and serve each other in a sacrificial manner. (more individual ownership)
3. Teams take the emphasis off a lone personality and performance. It creates safety through evenly distributing ownership which empowers the team to do more with less. (gotta love this)
What keeps us from connecting with the right teams that can empower us for success? Well, I don’t know if you are anything like me but the first thing I felt was this “feeling” that I should know what was I was doing. The older I got the more this kind of thought process began to sabotage me. It went something like this, “You are in your forties, you shouldn’t need someone to hold your hand through this process”. Next, I realized that all my experiences with teams and groups had not all been positive and now I was a little gun shy (what is interesting about that is most clients with negative experiences actually have a “calling” and anointing for teams). Lastly, I was afraid if I joined a team or partnered with others, I wouldn’t be able to keep up and would fail and thus be shamed in an even more public fashion.
It is amazing the lengths that the enemy goes to in order to prevent us from building success. I want to encourage you today if you have been burned by organized groups or teams, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. If you have never been “wowed” by the power of a powerful partnership, I encourage you to step out courageously and take the risk necessary to be transparent and needy. Most likely, you are called to be a vital and essential part of a team that could prove to be life changing for you! All the work I did emotionally to connect with the right teams has been EXPONENTIALLY worth the effort it took me to overcome. It impacted my finances, friendships and most importantly my spiritual walk with Christ. Remember, what he did for me, he will do for you!
I just this past week cycled a client out of coaching for a sabotage that she has struggled with for 20 years, into success. Over a series of 3 to 5 months she moved from feeling defeated (which is very fatiguing) and hiding to a beautiful, vivacious and confident identity. It is amazing the transformation in clarity and vitality we experience when we come into agreement with who we are in Christ and have the partnership we need to stay focused. In my experience, there are typically 3 strategies that when enacted, equip my clients quickly to eliminate the “fog” of insecurity and launch into CONFIDENCE!
First, because life is a journey to be enjoyed and not a “race” to accumulate, the more boundaries you set around your time, the better! Time blocking enables us to stay at a consistent pace and not compromise on what helps us be great. I am going to share with you a bit of myself here. I am famous for having a 9:00pm bedtime. I get up at 5am and my day is very scheduled. I rarely have “extra” time but I rarely feel stressed with my schedule. This is because I schedule time between calls that is reasonable, time to build my business, time with my family and friends, time to fast and pray, and most of all time to play. In order to be effective leaders whether we are leading ourselves or leading a team, we must remain peaceful and healthy and setting boundaries with your time is essential to respecting yourself. Even if it makes you feel a bit childlike:)
Secondly, militantly guard your liberty. In other words, have fun. Weekly if not daily. “Sonya”, came to me because she was 30 pounds overweight, isolated in her marriage and friendships and pulling her hair out with her kids. When we implemented this one principle into her life, suddenly the feeling of being “shorted” relationally and spiritually, began to fade. She was not a victim anymore of everyone else’s demands but instead she began to schedule in her workouts, her shopping and her lunches with friends. In other words, she began to take care of Sonya and the passive aggressiveness and self sabotage began to get pruned out. Never underestimate the power of simple joy. If you come from an alcoholic home or have been abused, it is NOT AN OPTION, victims are not allowed to play. So give yourself permission to snort laugh and get started right now. If you want to begin to attract healthy people, you can’t compromise on this principle.
Lastly, when you are growing and trying new things, learn to separate your results from your identity. Growing means failure. Making mistakes turns into big stress if you HAVE to be perfect and can’t just try something and see if it works or not. I can’t tell you the amount of stuff I screw up on a weekly basis. A matter of fact, if you are not failing once in a while, you obviously are not challenging yourself. Invigorate yourself by congratulating yourself that you have the courage to live bigger than you are comfortable with. You will never look back and say to yourself, “Gosh darn it, i wish i would have played it safer”. Christ paid a high price so that you can reflect his overcoming identity.
Remember, there is a price to pay for passion. Guarding your time, your liberty and the grace you have from being conformed to Christ. Make sure to do all you can to maintain it!
I have been amazed at the women God has brought into my path this year to serve. Having one characteristic in common, which is they all are trying to channel Niagara Falls potential through an identity the size of nickel. Some of them are actually wearing identities from the last decade (talk about old wineskins, yek!) How do I recognize this? Simple they all have the following in common.
They are absolutely passionate about Christ and glorifying him. Modeling it to the next generation in a purposeful way. (In other words they are wanting to build a model that can be reproduced and carried by those they are raising up)
Desiring to express the identity the Lord has imparted to them. My clients are different. They have uniquely handcrafted giftings from the process God gave them. It is creating a warfare in them to either birth it or conform to everyone else. (I am happy to say they resist this mediocrity)
They are go-getters. Prepared to do whatever it takes to eliminate the compromise that has tried to wrap itself around them. (They are all about deliverance rather than delay, which is why they are so frustrated from being at the wrong altitude)
Prepared to set and implement the boundaries in order to hit the altitude necessary for success.
Displaying courage and ready to partner to partner whoever God has called them to walk with regardless of age or denominational cross over.
Ready to invest the finances into THEMSELVES AND THEIR VISION so they can go do what it is God is telling them to do with their unique identity.
Hiding a bit but getting ready to shout to the world, “I’M NOT BACKING DOWN AND I WILL HAVE GODS BEST FOR MYSELF AND MY FAMILY”. (when you are wounded in the area of your anointing, it takes boldness to redefine it)
What is sabotaging these women? Waiting and praying, praying and waiting, expecting but not doing what it takes to put them in a position for God to open the doors. Don’t we all just want to schedule in “yielding to God”. I can relate as I had a Nigerian apostle pray over me last week and nail 3 things that I needed to prune out. I got up the next day and heard the voice, you know the one. “Well, maybe right now is not the right time for acting on that word”. (I didn’t want to be uncomfortable like I knew it was going to make me). By Gods’ grace I thought, shoot, God is probably waiting to open up a door for me as soon as I am obedient and I made the committment. It was only 3 days before I started seeing the fruit of my urgency. Let me ask you this. Are you like my clients? Passionate, purposed and prophetic? Let me encourage you to make the leap and DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to get yourself aligned for the right altitude for success. It is not about you. It is about all the women you are called to impact and influence with your unique identity. Stop waiting and take the leap!
I have had the privilege of coaching scores of women this year through challenging circumstances into freedom and liberty. Each story I hear brings a new determination in me to help them them understand how to take clear, bold action.
With that said, I have seen a significant difference in the clients who get explosive redefinition (with supernatural assistance of grace and ease) and those who simply get what I call good results. Who wants good? I want kick butt, slam dunk, in your face, I GOT A NEW NAME FROM GOD results! I began to really ponder it and here’s what I realized. The people who were willing to incorporate and build the discipline required to accomplish the following 3 things would have no problem pruning out sabotage and birthing and maintaining successful ministries, non for profits or businesses. In other words, these three non-negotiables actually empower my clients to embrace the ownership that is imperative to their success.
First, they are willing to commit to a daily 45 minute intense cardio workout that is at least 45 minutes, 4x a week. I want them on training mode as it creates mental toughness. The type of mentality that is going to create the small daily principles necessary to keep long-term success and persevere through every obstacle. Hopefully they will have the gift of training in the rain, freezing temperatures,do hill work or get out of bed with pms at 6am in the morning at least once or twice a month. If you can do that for 3 months straight, you have what it takes to successfully complete the vision you see within you.
2. Add on 30 to 60 minutes of prayer/worship on top of that daily. Jesus is deliverance. He specializes in bringing resurrection life to every place internally and externally we have experienced death in. However, the focus level that you will have to abide in his favor will require you to make spending time in his presence a top priority. Again, it is the little strategies that put you in place for BIG breakthrough.
3. committing to pray for other people’s success other than your own. The fervent prayer of righteous man(and woman) availeth much (James 5:16). Our own breakthrough is often times tied to who we defend and who we help bring justice to. I have seen this one strategy empower and equip countless amount of people and enable them to reproduce it effortlessly. Momentum builds, miracles begin and God get’s all the glory.
Non-negotiables actually help you attractpartnerships that empower and stregnthen you for long-term success. What are your non-negotiables this week and how you help those around you take the kind of ownership that will create success that lasts?
It is important to understand that just because you have had a sabotage long-term, that does not mean you cannot redefine it. The Lord specializes in hopeless situations. I have supported countless numbers of individuals in getting breakthrough after decades of unsuccessful attempts at transformation. However, the launching point was pruning out this sabotage in order for you to be fully committed. I call it “the story”. It is what you offer to your friends, neighbors, co-workers and spiritual community to explain why you can’t seem to get breakthrough. I had a story for every sabotage. This was my drama for why we had financial chaos and I told it with passion.
“In 2000, we really began to sense God call us to help church plant in Atlanta. We loved our home in the country on 4 acres, but we really wanted to be obedient and leave when we felt God was telling us to go. We began to look for work and finally was offered a job and so we moved in August of 2001. Jay had been commuting for 6 months up and down from Tallahassee and our family was separated so we left Tallahassee without selling our home. Then September 11, hit, the company folded and Jay was laid off. We were carrying two house payments and went through our saving and began to accrue debt. We are still behind.”
Let me ask you this today. What is the story you are sharing to explain to others why you can’t seem to make the progress you want to make? We all have to decide whether we want to be victims or victors, you can’t be both. I had to decide that the payout for success was greater than the payout of sympathy. When I made that one committment I began to get the revelation necessary to build success and keep it long-term.
